Let It Begin With Me - Resolving Conflict with Loved Ones

Have you ever wondered what you can do to change the way someone is acting? Do you ever wish your loved one (mom/husband/boyfriend/friend/relative/whoever) would just stop yelling and listen to you? I’ve got just the tool you’re looking for - and, plot twist, it starts with you. I’ll explain.

I’ve been married over 25 years now, which is a little hard for me to believe. My amazing husband and I have been through all kinds of ups and downs together and, after all this time, we’re stronger than ever before. We didn’t start out that way though. I spent the first 20 years of my marriage trying to change, fix, and control my husband.

We’ve both come a long way, but when my husband and I first got married he would often raise his voice. He’d get loud and impatient and intolerant. I tried and tried to get him to change. I kept putting the focus on him and what he was doing, thinking that I could help him. Over time, and through seeking personal development, I realized I was tired of that life. I wanted to do something different, but I didn’t want to be married to a different person. That’s when I learned to “let it begin with me”.

What I hadn’t realized was that I, too, was a yeller. I was loud. I was impatient and intolerant. I was just like my husband - a perfect mirror image. But I couldn’t see myself, my behavior, or my actions up until I learned that in order for things to change, I needed to change. So, one day I just made the decision. I said, “No more.” And I got to work on myself. When I spoke, I lowered my voice and tried to keep my calm. If he was having a hard time, then I was more soft-spoken and tried to be tolerant and compassionate. It dawned on me that my husband’s actions really had nothing to do with me.

Little by little, I noticed that things began to change and shift between us in a positive way. I thought, “This is working!” And I continued to practice patience and tolerance by remembering to “let it begin with me”. I had found a better way to live life that was more peaceful and in harmony with love and care. I continue to practice the “Let It Begin with Me” tool daily. If I have the awareness and I find myself being loud or impatient with my husband, I will say, “I’m sorry, babe.” And then I immediately repattern how I communicate with him in that moment. Many years later, my husband and I don’t yell. We have calm conversations. I’m kind of soft-spoken now and I like it that way.

So, if you consistently find yourself in conflict with your spouse or someone you’re close to, take a look in the mirror. What I mean is, take a look at yourself and your actions and words and see where you can clean up your side of the street. Practice letting it begin with you.